Thursday, December 20, 2007

A good day

Shalom, Sisters:

Today I had to cancel my high school talk entitled "Put the Wo- back in Menorah" because of an emergency wisdom teeth extraction. My dentist insisted on taking them out. Like most men, he clearly holds to the stereotype that all semblances of wisdom must be taken away from women. Not one to give in to the presumptious "advice" of oppressive patriarchs in high-paying careers, I stood my ground. I argued, and I argued, and I argued, until Dr. Discrimination finally gave in to my assertive power and settled for a compromise: if he got to remove my womanwisdom teeth, I would refuse to let him patronize me by administering anesthetics. ...As if an independent liberated woman isn't strong enough to endure a little pain. So I sat through the 45-minute procedure fully conscious, all the while humming my favorite WomanAnthem "Circle of Love" to distract myself. I think I may have distracted the dentist too, because at one point he started pulling out out a fifth tooth at random. When the teeth were out, I arose from the chair, walked out the door, and drove home under my own womanpower. I arrived home empowered.

I also realized that MY MOUTH HURT. I then emptied my medicine cabinet and made myself a Vicodin smoothie. It felt like that conceited man-dentist had literally dug a scalpel into my gums. Knowing men, he probably did. So rather than add to the surplus of pain that women have had to endure over the centuries, I downed the entire smoothie. After a while, I felt better.

Incindentally, it was around this time in the afternoon that my womanMuse paid me a long-overdue visit. When She visits, Her inspiration seldom lasts long, so in the spirit of the great Miriam Therese Winter, I quickly poured my feelings onto my treeless 102% biodegradable notepad. I (re)wrote this one for the children:

Jill made Jack
Walk up and back
'Cause she was feeling thirsty;
Jack returned
And Jill him spurned
And recreated herst'ry.

Sisters, we have much work to do in the field of children's literature; even "Mother" Goose was a blatant patriarch. Not only in the original is the male constantly referenced first, but Jack is also the one with the "crown." Crowns mean domination. If Jill had broken his crown, it would have been one thing, but the poet naturally arranges the syntax so that Jack breaks his own crown, while Jill passively tumbles down the hill. The sexism is everywhere.

My teeth are hurting again. Let me take a quick trip to Walgreens.

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Ok, I'm back. I just flat-out told the man-pharmacist to give me more Vicodin. No prescription, no nothing. I'm a powerful woman. Let me get a glass of water, and I'll be back.

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well here back i ... shalom .... thank shekinah panikillers not men to given but back now so write good to you womanwisdom can i ///^%g men cause of all pain anyway all us womyn rise against alkj should call these drugs menkillers lf;irg hmmm not feeling so hot after all bye

fem lvoe,

darlene

2 comments:

feminique said...

Darlene,
Way to follow your Womansense! I would encourage you to find a Womandentist who respects your convictions - I have a wonderful dentist who has let me keep my wisdom teeth for years, and I've never had any problems with them. It is so patronizing that men just assume that women want their pain dulled; it fits with the whole patriarchal scheme of numbing the minds of women so as to dominate us.

I love your analysis of the "classic" Jack and Jill poem. If it's alright with you I'd like to use it in the class I'm teaching next semester ("Literature's Hidden Patriarchy Throughout History", which is cross-listed as a Literature, Women's Studies, Theology, History, and Gender Relations course).

Womanpower to you.

Darlene Jones said...

Feminique -

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad that you've found a dentist who's not the patronizing scumbag that mine is. I'm also glad that you've worked your way up in one of the most important careers possible for the feminist movement: education. Some would say that teaching is an old-fashioned and stereotypical "women's job" ... but as I always say, if you don't BECOME a high-powered independent businesswoman who tramples underfoot every man who hinders her ascent up the corporate ladder, then you can at least TEACH many a young girl to become a high-powered independent businesswoman who tramples underfoot every man who hinders her ascent up the corporate ladder.

You of course have my permission to use my nursery rhyme analysis in any of your classes. Let me know how it goes.

Fem Love,

Darlene