Girlcott!

Well, sisters, it's that time of year again: when patriarchy fills the television screens of North America and sexism is the entertainment in vogue. What time of year am I talking about? GOOD QUESTION. That really didn't narrow it down at all.

I'm talking about the NFL playoffs. Everywhere you look, people are excited about football and their favorite team and the Super Bowl. Well, isn't that nice. It just so happens that football is the most sexist sport in the country, and also the most popular. Of all the barriers yet to cross, this silly sport looms perhaps the largest. Basketball has the WNBA. Girls' softball is on about half the time on one of the ESPN channels. Mia Hamm and company have given much-deserved credibility to women's soccer. And that Russian tennis girl with the long name could probably beat the pants off Roger Federer if only given the chance. (Federer is likely too afraid to ever afford her that opportunity, unfortunately, and because it's a man's world, they'll let him off the hook.)

But what about football? Is there a WNFL? Umm, no. Is there one single woman in the NFL? No again. Will there ever be? Probably not. (I must confess that for the sake of filtering old-fashioned trashy literature, I took one for the team the other day and actually read this horrid book that Feminique warned against -- there is a passage in there, though, that unwittingly sums up the inherent sexism of football. Something like, "Treat girls well, for without them, life would be one long football locker room." There you have it, from the horse's ManMouth itself.)

If you're not convinced, think it over. What do you expect from a sport with positions like lineman? If you're still not convinced, then you're probably a man, so get off our blog. Once and for all, sisters, as we work towards women's ordination, let us also strive for female fullbacks. For what the Catholic Church is to religion, football is to sports. The key is to still call ourselves football fans when among other people, while behind the scenes we furtively direct our womanpowers toward changing the sport's sexist rules. Kind of like we've been doing with the Church.

If its sexism doesn't sufficiently show its utter barbarity, then just take a look at one of the NFL's games for a second. The men wear sharp cleats that tear up the turf of mother Earth beneath them. The ball reputedly is, or at least used to be, made out of pigskin; now I believe it is leather, which is still an animal. And how are we ever supposed to achieve peace on earth as long as people keep hitting one another? Add to that the fact that it's 100% male, and the NFL should appear to everyone to be the evil organization that it is.

We at H.o.S. are therefore declaring a girlcott on the NFL this season, and forever. Do NOT watch any of the games. Do NOT buy jerseys as presents. Do NOT wear any team logos. Write to the commissioner and tell Roger Bad-ell that his league is a backwards, sexist atrocity.

And above all, pray to the WomanSpirit that the Cowboys don't win the Super Bowl. Or the Packers, as they are actually named after meat packers, and are thus evil. Or the Colts or Giants, whose quarterbacks are named Manning. You know, just pray that no one wins the Super Bowl.